The Gods Aren’t Willing – The Struggles of a Noob

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This Wednesday I went to a tournament at The Collector in St. Charles, MO. It was a very small crowd of only 8, myself included.  Fortunately there were 8 of us (3 in my group) so we could have a full 3 round tournament. The following is an account of games I played.

Round 1: Jeskai Tokens VS. Abzan Life Gain

First round I was paired against this guy named Kyle. I have played this guy in the past and, more often than not, it ends with him rage quitting and badmouthing me, usually to Mr. McLenna, a buddy of mine who always plays along- “What a douche.” and “I hate that guy, too”…. Thanks Mike…

Game 1 begins with me keeping my hand and him mulling to 6.

Land pass. Land pass. Land, Ajani’s Pridemate for him. Flooded Strand for Island, Seeker of the Way for me.

Gain a life land, Pridemate to 3/3 attack.

Goblin Rabblemaster for me, Goblin token, attack for 3. Pass.

Land. Pass for Kyle.

Temple of Triumph for me. Jeskai Charm Pridemate to top of deck, Prowess trigger, Goblin token, attack for 9. Gain 3.

Pridemate again.

Land, Lightning Strike the Pridemate, Kyle scoops and on to Game 2.

Game 2

Kyle chose to play.

Temple of Silence. Pass

Monastery. Pass

Land pass. Land Pass

Land pass. Land Rabblemaster, attack with Goblin Token. Pass

Land, attempts to target Rabblemaster with a Suspension Field. Fail. I let him take it back, because he already hates me so why give him more reason. He passes after another land.

Land, token, attack with Rabble and tokens. Pass

The rest of the game was spent burning him to the face. 2 Stoke the Flames to the dome, a Jeskai Charm, and a Lightning Strike finish off the game.

At this point he picks up his stuff… and walks out of the store… I bet he wishes I was running my Mono-Red deck…

“I F***ING HATE PLAYING YOU!” — Kyle

…Whatever Dildo Saggins…


Round 2: Jeskai Tokens VS U/W Heroic

Now, I forget the name of the toolbag who I was played in Round 2. If you’ve been to the Collector, you know this guy. He’s the guy who interjects himself in to every conversation, even if he’s across the room, 30 feet from you, in the middle of the match. I digress…

I thought this match up would have been a bit tougher, but I think the pilot flew this plane into the ground. Both games were over in about 15 minutes total, which contained a 5 minute interlude of him deciding how to lose the second game more efficiently by mis-sideboarding. I say that not to be snarky, but he sided out his best chance to win, Aqueous Form. I have enough tokens to block for days.


Round 3: Jeskai Tokens VS Abzan Midrange

This is the match up I wasn’t looking forward to. My deck is an exact copy of Brad Nelson’s from SCG Open Portland. My deck took second, the deck I was about to play took first.

Game 1 was pretty uneventful. I won by straight up outpacing him. I had a Jeskai Ascendancy out with 4 creatures. Stoke your blocker by convoking all 4 mana, untap all creatures I control, +1/+1, draw and discard. Oh! Hey! Another Stoke! Aim this one at your dome for 4 by convoking it all again, untap all my creatures, another bonus to attack and defense, and another loot. Treasure Cruise to draw 3, boost to attack/defense, draw/ditch. Attack for a bunch, game over.

Game 2 however is where the real story lies.

I’ll skip all to opponent’s turn 6.  I have 5 mana, all untaped, one soldier token, and very little life after an attack by an Anafenza and Siege Rhino, both with +1/+1 counters. I blocked the Anafenza to go to 3 and not die. I now have only 5 lands and no creatures. He plays and Arbor Colossus (over-extending like a champ) and passes the turn.

My turn 6. I had scry’d on turn 5 and knew that my top card was a fetch land. I played it immediately and went for an Island, as any blue I tapped for at this point was going to cost me a life. I’m now at 2. After finding the Island and shuffling, I played the 1-of that I sideboarded in, Elspeth, Sun’s Champion. -2 loyalty to wipe his board.

Stabilized.

His turn, land and Rakshasa Deathdealer.

My turn 3 tokens from Elspeth, Hordeling Outburst for 3 goblins, and a Jeskai Ascendancy. Pass.

Land. Attack with Deathdealer.  “Before blockers, Gods Willing to give my guy protection from White.” Passes priority. I pass back, so the spell resolves.

“Gods Willing my guy again, to give him pro-Red for the win?”

“You can’t.”

“Why?”

“It’s a white spell.”

“What?”

“You gave your guy protection from WHITE. You can’t target him with Gods Willing again.”

[Insert look of maximum horror and anger all at once.]

“I’ll block with a goblin. My turn?”

*nods*

Proceeds to play 3 spells, making all creatures on my side +3/+3. Attack with five 4/4 tokens and bring him from his comfortable 18 life, to -2.

Game over. Tournament won.

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Drew Bates

Drew is a long-time Magic: The Gathering player and has been playing since Mercadian Masques He has several high-placing StarCityGames Open finishes and took home 7th place at the 2017 Nationals tournament. Drew does Magic card alterations including acrylic extensions, foil transfers, and foil alters.

Drew Bates

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